The Journey of a thousand miles

So now that I have kicked this thing off, I find that there are infinite stories and anticedotes I want to relay.
I seriously doubt anyone will see the humor or importance that I do in these tales, but I can't wait to start posting them none the less. I promised we would start out slow (I will save the toilet training stories a little while, I need to build up to that kind of detail and degregation).

Joshua is not a morning person. He comes by this naturally as I am not a morning person (my standard quip is that I am a night owl trapped in a morning person's life).
This leads to some of our larger rows (fights for those who don't speak "British English") occuring in the morning. Usually in the driveway, usually involving yelling. On those days I get into the car scanning the neighborhood for shocked faces peering through curtains.
And I am usually muttering to myself "Dear God, please don't let this be the morning someone calls DHS."
For the most part he and I get along but in the morning, it is better that we keep our distance. This morning was the exception to that rule.

Scott is always up first, and I heard him greet Joshua at five past the butt crack of dawn (6 a.m.) with "What are you doing up??? It is EARLY".
The Mud Puddle hit the ground running, none of the usual crankies. So CLEARLY that meant that I had to be awake too.

He comes in the room (he walks like a herd of elephants so the trip down the hall had me awake) politely informs me he is turning on the light,
turns on the light
walks to the bed, rips the covers off me
tries to remove my pillow
picks up my glasses, puts them on his own face
then sets them on the bed and starts pushing them closer to me,
all the while chanting the mantra "Mommy get up, Mommy get up".

How do you explain to a three year old that:
a. I was in the middle of a pretty intense plane crash nightmare and need to shake off the REM
b. This pajama wearing, pee smelling, crazy haired alarm clock doesn't have a snooze
BUT I NEED FIVE MORE MINUTES
*SIGH* I got up, did the get ready thing and even had time to iron clothes and put on lipstick. Perhaps the toddler alarm clock isn't all bad.
Once in a while.