Colossus Mud Puddle

 

The Mud Puddle started out life as a staggering 9 pounds 8 ounces and 23 inches. Within the first few days he was 11 pounds and eating 6 ounces every three hours (where it would take him an hour to eat so it was like feeding him every two hours, I do not miss that particular merry go round AT ALL).

So I knew that we were headed for big places. He was never going to take after his petite mother but the rate at which he is racing to 6 feet is accelerated: at least in my opinion as the person who has to keep him in clothes that fit.

The first recent milestone that made me pause was a sneaker buying experience. The MP is a loyal fella. Once he finds a pair of shoes that he likes he will wear them until they fall apart or until they no longer fit. In this case they were a pair of (formerly) bright yellow New Balance minimalist sneakers. They had long since lost their sheen and were looking tight. So we headed off to the local sporting goods store to secure a new pair of kicks.

He headed for the first bright yellow pair he could find. But the smallest size they had was a men’s 8. Well that was SURELY going to be too big.

 I asked the kindly young gentleman working at the store if they had one of those foot measurement doohickies (yes, I said doohickies while gesticulating with my hands in measurement ways). He found one (without a noticeable eye roll) and the MP stuck his socked foot on it.  

The young fella looked and me and said “He’s an 8.”

Excuse me? 

So I replied: “Are you sure? Is his heel all the way back? Is that a woman’s doohickey?”

No, not a woman’s and yes his heel was all the way back. “You might want to try an 8 and a half, he is close to being over an 8.”

OMG, WTF???? He is TEN! I wear a women’s size 8.5 for god’s sake. Scott wears a men’s 9.5.

I sat there gobsmacked while the boys went to fetch the size 8 bright yellow kicks he had been eyeing. He pulls them on. I make him walk up the aisle twice holding up his pant leg.  I keep pressing my thumb on the front of the shoe unable to believe they actually fit.

Scott finally put a stop to my denial and stated that they did indeed fit and we should buy them. I kind of paid for the shoes in a daze.

And then texted my mother.

 I have learned that while the MP has my love of singing British pop off key and Scott’s love of fart jokes, he is the physical equivalent of my brother.  While my mother couldn’t remember what size shoe my brother wore at age 10 she did state he was a size 11 by the 8^th grade.  Thanks, I think. For the record my brother currently stands at 6 feet 2 inches.

When Scott travels for work (which is quite frequently this time of year) the MP takes up residence on his side of the bed. Which requires the construction of a pillow wall between he and I as he tends to roll and much like a cat is only happy sleeping on my head or kicking me in the calf.

The pillow wall is usually an effective tool to ensure that I get some sleep while sharing my bed with a lip smacking, sleep talking, cover hog.

One night recently we were settling in. The MP was already asleep on his/Scott’s side of the bed and I was ready to join him in dreamville. I crawled into bed, had the remote in hand ready to watch whatever manner of trashy television the DVR had waiting.

 I started to snuggle down in when I felt something impeding my progress at getting under the covers. I pushed at it from above. Was it the remote? No that was in my hand. Was it my book (yes, I occasionally fall asleep with a book in bed. Occasionally meaning on a weekly basis. At least)? Nope, that was next to the nightstand.

What the heck was it?

So I threw back the covers and stifled a scream. There lay a giant disembodied foot.

Somehow the MP had gotten his giant puppy paw UNDER the pillow wall and on my side of the bed.  After I got the initial shock I went and found my mother to show her. Because this was too good not to share.

She and I both laughed for five minutes and then I set to work trying to get that enormous foot back on the right side of the pillow wall.

The MP was 5 feet even at last count. I believe my parenting philosophy that all children should be a little afraid of their mother is going to come in handy very soon as he shoots past my 5’3” and straight on to Colossus status.